was thinking recently
about reactions.

in particular, my reactions
2 what happens
in my external world.

then i heard joe rogan’s podcast
when melissa etheridge was on,
one of the best interviews i’ve heard,
and they talked about how we react
other than the age
that we actuall are.

id really like to react
as the 27 year old version
of Jacob,
but find that frequently,
i react like 14 year old version
of me.

started to consider
what causes this.

i think when we are
stressed or challenged,
or in confrontive situations,
we often revert back
to the least of what we know.

much of our emotional coping
is formulated
in our teen years.

first loves, the stress of high school,
the assimilation of information
shit that goes on at home
all of it -
it wires us to react
in certain ways.

seems like the wiring stays,
unless we consciously change it.
it becomes a part of how we roll
for our adult live.

the best way i’ve found
to change this -
is simply to be aware
of how i’m reacting
and to consider:

is this how i really
ought to be reacting
to this situation,
OR:
is this partly my ego
and my 14 year old self?

if you’re conscious of it,
it’ll blow your mind
how deeply you’re wired.
back to those teen years.

it’ll equally blow your mind
how simply being aware of it
will shift everything.

#TuneUp
#GetIn

in many ways,
manuel and i grew up together
young 20-year-olds
turning it in NYC.

after graduating stern NYU,
moving to SF,
crushing it at Google,
then venturing out,
manuel has gone back to something
that has been at his core:
style, entrepreneurship, fashion.

his kickstarter campaign
already 25% funded
(it’s been live for less than 24 hours),
no surprise 2 me,
for as kids,
when we were building my first ABC show,
manuel was chiefly concerned
with  how the audience perceived the brand –
his attention to detail was foreign 2 me.

as i get older,
i obsess over details…
i credit manuel
with teaching me how.

Manuel Rappard, Founder of RPMWEST and me in our first offices in TriBeCa circa 2007. Unflattering photo, but truthful and raw. We were 20, and we thought we could make a dent in the universe. #balls

for those that know manuel,
RPMWEST is more than just a startup
it’s the fulfillment of a dream
and a higher calling 2 create
something lasting and of high quality.

when i was 20,
i told manuel how much i loved his jeans
they were a pair of $250 jeans from Europe.
i had never worn
a pair of jeans
that cost more than $49 from the GAP
in my life.

the next day,
manuel put those jeans
in a box
and gave it to me as a present.
my first $250 pair of jeans.
i could feel the difference.
i still do when i wear them today,
seven years later.

something tells me
when you wear a pair of RPMWEST,
you’ll feel the difference too.

now go and buy a goddamn pair 
of RPMWEST
by clicking here

“if i follow all this manifestation
mumbo jumbo,
if i am clear, and then detach,
from what it is i’m wanting
(money, love, more time, a new job)
why  does it take so long
for the things i want
to show up in my life?”

all the greats -
deepak chopra, tony robbins, fred dodson -
will tell you
that in this physical space-time reality
it sometimes takes a minute
or a month
or a year
for something to show up.

but why?

WHY?

i was thinking about it recently -
about what we’re supposed to do in the meantime.
and how these Laws of the Universe
really work.

let’s say we’re looking for our dream home on the ocean
and it’s not currently in our reality -
the best thing to do,
after being clear about what it is you want,
is find ways to feel good
now, now
NOW and NOW.

you wouldn’t want all the food
you’ll ever eat in your lifetime
during one dinner setting,
would you?

of course not.
food is nutricious,
but mostly delicious.
the enjoyment of the food
is that it is consistently
apart of your reality,
a variety, some good, some bad -
and you get to get clearer
on what it is you like
and what it is you don’t.

same with your
desires &
dreams.

even the light, energy and life
we get from the SUN,
takes 7-minutes to get to us.

it travels through 92-million miles
of nothingness
to get to us.

things take time
it doesn’t mean it’s not coming.

if something in your life
has caused you to put our a desire,
it’s already on it’s way.

just sit back, trust, enjoy whatever is NOW
and acknowledge with gratitude
when your manifestation comes.

this agent
i had him once before
in 2005.
he parted ways with me then
said “i didn’t know my voice.”

i began to consider
why when people part ways,
they often come back together.

in business,
or in romance.

i was dating someone
who said he believed it’s about
“until mis-alignment do us part”
instead of  ”until death do us part.”

people come together
because they are aligned.
they split up
because they become mis-aligned.

i found this a curious idea.

then i thought about
how when people split up
they should probably stay split up.

this includes me.

see here’s the thing:
people come in for a reason,
a season,
a lifetime.

if it’s a reason or a season,
there are usually big lessons to boot.

focusing on your lessons
will lead you toward growth.

splitting up is not a bad thing,
it actually honors the continuation of life.
the balance of the universe.

where it gets cocked up
is when we try to come back together
with what we “used to have.”

the exception of course is
if the other person
has done the work
and the universe brings you back
together.

but: the work cannot be done
with the intention of getting something
or getting that person back.

for example:
“let’s get back together,
but promise me we’ll go to therapy.”
wrong.
gotta do the work on your own.

i recently broke up with someone
who suggested that we simply
“chant about it” (he’s a Buddhist).
he couldn’t understand
that this wasn’t about fixing anything
it was honoring the mis-alignment.

mis-alignment is not a precursor
for alignment once again.

honor it. feel it. it’s a continuation,
not a loss.
let it go, with Love.

when someone leaves your life,
send them on their way
with an attitude of gratitude
for all that they’ve shown you.

i was a freshman in high school
when the local newspaper
wrote about how i was being scouted
by the tonight show with jay leno
as one of the youngest teen magicians
in the USA.

(you can read that article
by clicking here)

12 years ago today
i got hired by Bette Thibeault,
a superintendent of schools
in Turner, Maine
to do my first magic show ever
in front of 200 people.

i’d perform 6 magic tricks
over an hour period.

i was paid $75.

that moment changed my life.
months prior,
i had been talking about learning magic,
i had done card tricks and WoW’ed friends,
and finally Bette, who was also my massage therapist
(yes, I had a massage therapist at the age of 14)
said
“Fine, you want to be this big magician,
I’ll hire you — come do your first show
may 1, 2001.”

she called my bluff
and at 14, i shat myself.
i said no to her, twice.
i told her i wasn’t ready.
thanks but not thanks,

but bette, a 50-something powerful woman,
who you don’t say no to,
insisted.
she refused to take NO.
“if you’re not ready,
then you better get ready.
i just hired you.”

i finally agreed,
and i was so lucky
that at 14,
i was being taught
in a most public way,
how to never say NO to opportunity.

magic taught me
how to remember everyones name
at a table
when i used to perform
at restuarants.

magic taught me how fun it is
to create and believe in an illusion.

magic taught me that i could make $300
for an hour’s worth of my time;
it taught me how to value my time
exponentially more
than other 14 year olds.

magic taught me how to create
alternate realities;
it taught me that it’s far more fun
to create the reality i dream of,
simply by saying THAT IT EXISTS,
rather than buying into someone else’s reality.

i’d often fuck up my tricks in front of hundreds of people,
magic taught me that it’s more fun to make mistakes anyways
and that you don’t die because of it.

i don’t do magic much anymore,
i did probably 200 shows when i was younger
and moved on to TV.

but every may 1,
i think about how lucky i was
to have bette thibeault kick me in the ass.

how lucky i was to have bob nixon,
who was a master magician,
and taught me how to entertain people,
not just do magic for them.

how lucky i was to have two parents
who carted me off to several magic shows every month,
without asking for a dime of the $300/show i charged.

we all start somewhere,
and we can all support and love each other
through the uncomfortable growth periods in our lives.

bette thibeault, bob nixon, my mom and dad
did this for me.

it’s our duty to help each other thrive.
there is much abundance here for us all.

#ThankYouBette

i don’t care whether the guy is gay
however, being black, being gay and being an athlete
will help support kids who are hiding
(and maybe some adults too).

good good good.

10 Reasons Jason and I Should Go On a Date

10.  Jason first came out to his aunt in San Francisco. I first come out to my business partner in London. Both of these people, while not immediately family, told us it was “OK.” It made it safe to continue the journey. This is good appetizer conversation.

9. Jason first considered coming out during the NBA lockout, when he had no more distractions. I first considered coming out after an extremely successful and lucrative year, and found myself in London questioning “What else is there?” Both instances left us alone with ourselves. It’s a powerful and awfully uncomfortable place to be. That’s where the breakthroughs happen.

8. When Jason was younger, he dated and even got engaged with a woman. When I was younger, I pretended I lost my virginity to a woman (named Malorie) in France in a castle on New Years Eve. Everything was true besides the popped cherry.

7. Jason’s old college roommate, the very straight Joe Kennedy, marched in a Gay Pride Parade. Jason was jealous that he couldn’t participate. I often get jealous if I’m in a steam room after working in a gym (ahem, New York Sports Club) and the guys don’t include me in the circle jerk. (that’s not true, I usually leave the room when that starts, but never the less)

6. Jason has always been scared of saying the wrong thing, although he says coming out is making him stronger. Coming out was the most meaningful thing in the world me, and yet it nothing changed at all. The odd duality of it.

5. Jason’s twin brother was shocked to find out he was gay. Jason thought it was odd, since twins are usually in sync with each other. Oddly, before I came out, business partners and friends thought I had twin personalities — even suggested medicating it. The minute I came out, the multiple personalities disappeared.

4. Jason’s grandmother was apprehensive when he came out. She was from Louisinna. My grandmother was apprehensive when I came out. She was from Canada. When I told my grandmother, I framed it as:

“Grandmom, I have a big surprise for you. Are you ready?”
She got so excited.
“Yes, yes, I’m ready” she said. I could tell she was giddy.
“You sureee,” I said, scared shitless.
“Jake! Tell me!” she exclaimed.
“OK Grandma, I’m gay.”

The phone was silent for 2-minutes. I smiled, partly cringing. It’s a generational thing, but Love is Love is Love.

3. Jason says he goes against gay stereotypes. So do I. My best friend Caitlin is frequently annoyed: “You’re not the gay BFF I thought I’d have who would come shop with me and tell me how beautiful I look. I wanted it to be like Sex and the City.” #OhWell

2. Jason and I are both focused on our careers, and one of us is 1/16 Native American.

and finally, the #1 reason Jason Collins should take me on a date:

1. Our double lives (living in the closet) kept us from getting close with the people we cared about most (teammates and business partners). Oh and yeah, Jason is 7-feet tall, and I’m 5’10″. That’s a funny Christmas card photo.

after months of discussions
between my agent and top TV producers
and TV networks,
about a saturday night variety show on NBC
it all fell apart.

these things happen,
and actually that didn’t bother me
as much as the agents lying to me
and spinning me
as it was spiraling.

to top it off,
five days after the deal fell apart,
the agents dropped me as a client.

abondenment issues from childhood
flaired up like a bad case of herpes.

my reflections have led to some ideas
and some life lessons
that i want to share with you.

Total Reading Time: 3 minutes

in no particular order:

1. when i signed with the agents,
they said they needed lead the ship.
that i had to give up control.
i hesitantly agreed,
feeling that it was abnormal for me
to be led by anyone,
but compromising,
perhaps considering
that this is how you win the game.

i experimented.

i got out of the way,
to let them lead.

i thought  i was getting out of the way
of the universe.
and that doing so,
would be the best thing i could  do
for myself
and my career.

thing is:
i didn’t get out of the way of the universe
i got out of the of individuals
who i was then dependent on
for success,
rather than being in touch
inwardly
with my own success.

it’s important to let go
and let the universe lead,
not let go
and let someone else lead.

#FeeltheDifference

2. the agents systematically,
sometimes directly,
moved the people
most important to me,
the people i felt most comfortable with
out of my life.

they booted the director, calling him dead-weight
(the only guy that could have articulated
my vision as clearly as him)
they told me my publicists weren’t right for me,
despite that their work got us to 1-million viewers online
and 20 million PR impressions.

painfully looking back at this,
i went along with it,
thought i was being led to the promised land
as i stuck it to the people that loved me most.

for the agent,
the less stability i had creatively
the more control he had.

i’ve called them all now to apologize,
and they’ve lovingly accepted
and offered to do anything i ask.

ive learned to be aware
of those who Love and want the best for me
and not to sacrifice that for the musings
of a Hollywood agent
or someone who offers you keys to the kingdom
because you can’t enjoy the kingdom
if you’re not with the people
that helped you get there.

#Difficult&Sobering&Heartfelt

3. when someone – in work or in life -
reveals themselves to you,
no matter how sexy they
or what they are saying appears 2 be,
or how alluring their propositions
of next level success,
trust that their actions, not their words
are who they are.

trust them fully.
act accordingly.
they aren’t going to change.

you’re not the one going crazy
your heart is always right.

Q&A

is there a circumstance,
where you’ve sacrificed what you’ve believed
based on something someone convinced you of?

what is the biggest lesson
you’ve learned from this?

before the fanfare
before the acceptance
before the fame
that becomes so bright
that it burns a scar on you–
before all of that,
there is a restlessness
a rowdiness
a desire to win
a curiosity
so massive and so unexplainable
that it is a tornado
churning uncontrollably.

 
along it’s path,
at times there is destruction
most times there is love
as debris is tossed
old ways of thinking disrupted.

you’ll find some who are patient with you,
some who will “get it” immediately
others will simply stare
in awe, confusion, disdain,
or a combo of the three.
still others
they’ll run as fast as they can
for their underground bunkers.

for the churning individual
inside the tornado,
no matter who supports
who hides
who stares,
the result
is always the same:

when the winds die down
(they always do)
and you see what’s been tossed about
you realize that the path has been created
for something brand new to be built…
always better than it was before.

the sun always comes out
and shines brightly.
the darkest part of the night
is always before dawn.

i am that tornado.
this is me. now.
and chances are,
if you’re creating something
meaningful or worth anyone’s while,
you are that tornado, too.

Jake, Jeff, James and Cait discuss the weeks news in pop-culture, life, music and culture. Included are Michelle Obama’s new Vogue cover and being overexposed, James’ new job story, Jake’s obsession with daytime talk, Jay-Z’s Great Gatsby and Burger King introducing a “healthy” alternative (turkey burger is 100 calories less than Whopper).

Also discussed: McDonald’s condoms for child’s play, Mr Jeff Dess’ dating habits (cougars and tweens), gun control, how being in your 20s sucks, why Jake and Kanye West wear the same skirt, why Bloomberg is coming for your cigarettes and two European women who have slept with 10 guys a day for a combined 100 years.

TRANSLATION of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is: ”something to say when you have nothing to say.”

we all talk about TIME,
but it’s usually what we talk about
when we have nothing
else to say.

the TIME that humans refer to
is only really applicable to one thing
which is to give us a platform
from which to expand and move forward.

nothing else exists around the space-TIME form.
all of it is in our heads.

TIME is man-made
and is really for the purpose
of us being able to get to know
each other.

that’s it.

the culture of being busy
has become a false-positive
and adopted by many in my generation.

being busy has been connected
to our worthiness
and less so
about actually being productive
or creative.

busy = worthiness
busy = absense of TIME
busy = stamp of self-approval.

take a step back
deep breath
it’s all very good.

your busyness
does not make you worthy
your birthright is Joy
your worthy cause you were born.

now that TIME is man-made
and busy does not equal your worthiness,
we can more fully appreciate
no past
no future
that everything you’ve ever needed to know
that everything you’ve ever needed to experience
is right here
right now.

NOW NOW NOW.